I always wished to be that perfect boy, the one you’d wish you’d had. I fucked that up and I hit the ground hard, but I was still alive. I got up with 2 choices. To fix my mistakes and move on to be at least something better than I was before or stay on the ground and roll in the dirt where I belonged. I chose the first one. But I needed something or someone to push me, to motivate me, to help me learn there’s more to life than just that ground because god knows I couldn’t have done it alone. I’ve always been that persistent kinda person. Constantly trying to get my way til it kills me. Sometimes this works out good in the end. I’ve never put much time into things if I didn’t have that different feeling that takes me out of this box. And I felt that when I met you. We had not the most romantic of first impressions and first time meetings, but It’s something I will never forget. I know you didn’t like me at first but bothering you felt good for some reason. I am always so insecure and insanely self-conscious so the fact I had to be persistent on seeing this girl made me think she wanted nothing to do with me. But I tried my hardest because It felt good. It felt good to leave that ground below me and behind me. It was pretty clear we liked it each other. I mean, I liked her and of course I was nervous to the fact she was not so into me. Weeks went by, followed by months and we’re in love now. It’s strange, I still get scared because of how I was in my past relationship. I have a hard time trusting people due to the way I treated woman. If I can do it, why can’t anyone else? It’s scares me everyday, but she’s teaching me to leave the past behind. I’ve finally realized how bad it could hurt to lose trust in someone over a one night stand. I mean, it hasn’t happened, but I pictured it and it eats me away. I hate it. And to my past relationship, I am sorry I put you through that. I was unaware of any sorta feelings like that. Anyways, I am happy for the most part. I still have some things in the back of my head that haunt me, but I gotta move on and get over it. My anxiety has never been this bad, but I learning to deal with it. I’m just glad I’m not the person I was before. I am only human.
